It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Thursday, August 23, 2012
withers away @ 11:15 pm

人,是很可怕的动物。人类因为可以思考,变得比别的生物优越。但是偏偏有些人利用自己的大脑策划进行不符人类拥有的"人性"。
水能载舟也能覆舟,人类的大脑思考又何尝不是如此?
我想,我可能永远都没办法了解,一些人怎么还能每天面对自己继续若无其事地生活。
人,真的是很可怕的动物。

It's something Mystical

Monday, August 20, 2012
withers away @ 11:39 pm

面对问题,问题就解决一半;逃避问题,问题就增加一倍。 - 吴宗宪

It's something Mystical

Sunday, August 12, 2012
withers away @ 7:26 pm

It's amazing how the devotion done by Vincent not too long ago was touched on in today's homily - the conversion of C.S. Lewis. It just reminds me of how Christians, regardless of denomination, are serving and talking about the same God (should be the case, really). My mum has this theory, that we may all finally realize in heaven, that Muslims, Buddhists and Christians may all well be sharing the same God, just that we've given Him different names, and worship Him in different buildings.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, August 11, 2012
withers away @ 11:15 pm

never got my ass down to recording my taiwan trip in june. going to do something a little different from the previous trips this time round. instead of going in chronological order, i'll be grouping whatever memories not captured in the photos into categories instead.

free and easy
this was my first truly free and easy trip (not 2d1n kinda thing) where we had to plan pretty extensively earlier. i was a pretty big part of that, since i was one of the ones with better command of the language. our plans changed everyday, according to the weather (v impt), our mood and how tired we were. first time the group was split into two separate rooms, so we had a lot of trouble waking the other room up. ended up forsaking them to go for breakfast on our own a couple of mornings. and i thought it would be quite a nightmare to wake me up already. when it came to shopping, we would always split up and meet up again a few hours later. since we have free wi-fi at the metro stations and our rooms and we all have our phones with us on roaming, it's not that difficult to contact each other really. the v convenient metro service made travelling easy as well. no wonder jiefu had no trouble when he came over to SG a while back, cos their metro system is just abt the same as what we have here, just that they have more lines. and of course quite a lot more variety in terms of public transport, but none too difficult to manage.

nowhere to stay...?!
grace and ky went to tw a few days earlier than us, to kending, supposedly to surf, though they didn't get to in the end due to the unfavourable weather. so the rest of us checked in our rooms first. it was then that we realized that it was actually a residential apartment. and my wifi was playing tricks with me. anyhow, we went to pick up grace and ky at abt evening at the metro station, and decided to lead them back to put their luggage down before heading out for dinner. needed to pick them up or else they might just end up walking a whole big round like what we did in the afternoon.
who knows we got a huge shock of our lives when an uncle stopped us at the lobby and prevented us from going to the lift lobby. he asked if we stayed there and insisted on the security guard on checking our identities. it became pretty apparent that this uncle was a resident and he was getting increasingly frustrated at the illegal usage of apartments as hotel rooms for tourists. he even wanted to call the police. we were obviously not the first ones. blame our luck to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. not to mention that we were all terribly hungry, and those who can be of use among us are not well-versed in the language enough to even understand the situation in full (ky's msian with malay as 2nd language, gerald threw away all his chinese after pri sch, mary threw hers away after hwa chong, or maybe before that), we might have to move out and find another place to stay. i was already asking jiefu for alternative places.
after what seemed like ages in the lobby, and some help (or diversion) from the security guards and our apartment company guy, we finally got to run off, though we were all quite afraid of meeting the uncle again. from then on, we never came back to the apartment during dinner time, and rather, go back only late at night or wee hours of the morning. cos uncle will never be there at those times hehe.

rain and typhoon
there was nothing (literally nothing) on the news for the week we were there except about the rains and impending typhoon and the damage it had cost. we were lucky as if we took our flight the next day, we would be forced to wait at changi for a few hours before departure due to the poor weather. but this also meant that we had to be armed with umbrellas every single day. we had rain everyday except for the day we went to wulai (thank God) and the last day. so i only wore my shoes on the first and last day. i was wearing slippers on the rest of the days cos i really hate the feeling of wet shoes and toes the whole day. we were kinda (?) hoping that a typhoon will strike on our day of departure (which was the case according to the weather forecast a few days before), so that we will have reason to stay in tw longer lol.
though the rains proved to be really inconvenient, especially when we had to walk through the night markets, we realized it was some sort of a blessing in disguise. we missed the famous famous danshui sunset (sigh, next time maybe?), but i can't express how much fun we had in the drizzle. in order to take nice photos with the orange sky (yup there was no sun to be seen, but it wasn't that overcast either), we just threw our bags and umbrellas on the pavillion floor and ran out to stand on the stone benches. and cos of the rain, i can finally for once take photos without random people in them! i have to say those were the best photos we took during the trip.
on the last day, the sun was finally out but we were all sweating like mad people in ximending. that was when we realized it was a good thing it rained. if it was that hot in ximending the last time we were there, i dun think we would have done as much shopping as we had.

7-11s
there are SO MANY 7-11s and quan jias in tw it's quite miraculous. you can have one on this street and another just opposite. we had one just one street away, and it was during the trip when we realized that their 7-11 is so much different and seriously, more convenient than ours.
i had to order my eye makeup remover in SG online as it wasn't sold in shops in tw. best part was that you could request for it to be sent to any 7-11 in tw. ANY. and you don't have to pay online, you just do it when you collect it at 7-11. you'll be blacklisted if you don't collect the item(s) within a certain period of time of course. i thought this was a brilliant idea, cos you don't have to reveal your address, and you aren't afraid of illegal tracking/stealing of online transactions or credit card details.
there's also a kiosk in 7-11 where you can do all sorts of services, like buying concert tickets. that's where gerald tried to buy his cello recital tix. no wonder pop concert tix can be sold on within minutes in tw. i bet there are just people in every 7-11 buying tix at the same time! we can also check our metro card value and top up there.
and we bought our tix for our HSR (high speed rail) ie 高铁 at the kiosk too. though we made such a silly mistake the 7-11 guy was almost going to laugh at us already. we thought we had to pay via the metro card, so topped it up so much, only to realize that we need to go to the counter to pay. in cash. nearly fainted there and then lol. but it's so convenient as we get the tix themselves straight away. that saved us so much time and worry for uncertainty of any queue if we were to buy the tix over at the station.
it's a convenience shop right, it should operate this way here too!

lost
shilin was one of the busiest night markets that we went to, and there were many illegal stalls set up in the middle of nowhere. so whenever the police came, the stalls will quickly pack up within about 5 to 10 seconds (i'm not exaggerating) and either run off or look like they belong. it's not a new sight anymore, as i saw the same thing in china so many times already. now, SL and i always walked about together, and we might look at different stalls at the same time but we always manage to meet up again. but there was just this once in shilin when i thought i was really separated with her and lost, just after the packing up of the illegal stalls. i just couldn't spot her in the crowds anymore, and by the time the stalls went back into business, i still couldn't find her. it didn't help that her phone didn't get through. just somehow, she appeared out of nowhere and i think we could all see the relief on each other's faces. we never knew how we lost each other really.

jiefu
just so happens that biaojie is married to taiwan not too long back, but when we were there, biaojie was back in msia waiting for her baby to be born (my nephew was born a few days back!). jiefu offered help before the trip regarding the itinerary already, and i actually didn't have any intention of troubling him anymore when we were there.
but we still had to meet up cos half my luggage was full of baby stuff that biaojie bought in msia. i thought it would just be a simple handover, but we ended up squatting by the roadside while he wrote down the places we could visit on the metro system map so that it'll be easier for us. he offered to bring us around jiufen, shifen, keelung area on sat when he is not working. i still didnt know if i should accept the offer as we had too many ppl for him to drive in his car, and it will be a full day affair and just hate to trouble others, not to mention i haven't seen my jiefu that many times for us to be that close.
after discussing with the others, we decided it was a good idea to have him as our tour guide, especially when those areas are more rural and requires us to take the train which doesnt accept the metro card. might just get messy if we do it ourselves. but we promptly rejected his offer of driving (which he was pretty insistent of), as that would mean that his brother would have to drive us too. i haven't even met his brother before, oh what, i haven't even seen his picture at that. just couldn't bring ourselves to trouble him that much.
turns out it was great having jiefu around. we wouldn't have known so much and went to so many places in a day without his help. he knew exactly where he was going such that we would almost never have to backtrack, and could see much more. if it were only us, most people would only dare to go back the same way you came, simply cos you dunno the way well. and actually i was a little afraid that it would be awkward among us, especially when i'm not that close to jiefu either, and being a lousy conversationalist, i won't be able to help the situation if everything runs cold. thank goodness he was chatty enough, and we all survived the day with meaningful conversations peppered along the way. really have jiefu to thank for for a great sat out.

jay
he's one of the reasons why i had to be one of the people working on the itinerary. i was bent on visiting the jay restaurants, and to go to eslite to hunt for books and related works of him (totally unable to resist). went totally bonkers when i was at the secret-themed restaurant. main courses were great, but the rest of the food and drinks didn't rock. but the decor just brought me back to those times... secret holds such an important place in me, i couldn't imagine missing that out when i'm already in tw. everyone was enduring all my whines and squeals throughout the time we were there, and even asked if they sold the pizza box for me lol. gerald couldn't understand my obsession, but i just had to compare that with his fishing for him to get a gist of it.
the tofu restaurant was a real disappointment though. difficult to find, poor display of my dear AE86, plain, and food that is really nothing to boast about (we had to get good food after that due to the bad aftertaste). though i missed jay by a few days there (he was at the very same shop just a few days before we were. dang!), i won't go back there again.
hmmm maybe i shld try the magic themed restaurant next time? lol.

realization
人一倔强,谁都说不动。算了吧。

the best trips consists of these things: good food, good scenery, good shopping and most of all, good company. i had everything this taiwan trip :)

It's something Mystical